Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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