Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
