and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
