My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
