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Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
