Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
