glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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