I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
