Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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