My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
