I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
