ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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