when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
