and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
