Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
