ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
