They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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