seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
