I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
