i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
