OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
