You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
