life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
