If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
