he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
