How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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