he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
