I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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