I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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