Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
