...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
