Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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