my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
