i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Text me some of your sweat
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
