How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
