If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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