i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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