coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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