i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
