She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
