No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
