I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
