She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Randomize
