Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
