I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
