I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
