If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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