Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have feelings that need drinking.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
