you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
