Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
