Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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