the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
