He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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